Relationship Status
by nocte-caelum
Summary: Two-shot. Yet another world meeting goes off track - this time, however, romance is the topic. Who is dating Belarus? What is Russia doing here? Are Spain and Romano finally together? Read ahead to find out... *Update: The group date*
1. The Meeting

**Hello! I recently(ish) started wtaching Hetalia, so naturally I have a few little plot bunnies hopping around in my head. This one was pretty quick, and it's just a little one-shot about some of my OTPs and everyone else's reactions finding out about their relationships... •^_^•**

 **Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) don't own Hetalia**

* * *

Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, known to almost everyone else as the Three Baltic States, walked into the crowded conference room.

"Why did we come?" Latvia asked, trembling.

"Mr Russia told us to," Lithuania said. "And he's scary, so we did as he said."

"Don't you sometimes think it might be better if we left him?" Estonia asked. "I, for one, wouldn't mind joining the Nordics."

"But they don't want you..." Latvia said, and the other blonde glared at him.

"Jeez, Raivis, you don't need to speak so honestly all the time!" Lithuania laughed.

"EVERYONE, SIT DOWN! THE HERO HAS ARRIVED!" A brash voice called from the doorway, and all the nations turned halfheartedly to look, even though they already knew it was America.

The Baltics sighed and sat down.

"Now." Germany stood up, shuffling the papers in his hands. "Russia couldn't be with us today, and his instead sent the Three Baltic States..." He glanced at his sheet. "'...Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, to represent him."

The others mumbled a collective welcome, except for America, who bolted straight up in his seat.

"Hey, isn't one of you dating Ivan-uh, Russia's sister. Not the one with the big boobs, the psycho one with the bow," he asked.

"Uh, yeah," Estonia replied, all three Baltics blushing as all the other nations in the room turned to look at them.

"I knew it!" A feminine voice called, and the attention swivelled to the door where Ukraine had just entered. "Sorry I'm late, everyone! I knew you liked my sister, Lithuania!"

"Uh, that's not-" Lithuania mumbled, but was cut off by Hungary.

"Now wait a second, Ukraine! He can't be with Belarus - what about Poland?" She said, eyes sparkling as she pictured her OTP.

"What?" Ukraine stopped, looking at Lithuania confusedly. "Are you really with him? Not Natalya?"

"Yeah...we, um, started dating a little while back," the brunette nation replied.

"...oh." Ukraine sat down, but continued to stare at the Baltics with a frown on her face. "That must mean - Latvia! I never imagined you with me sister, I mean, you start shaking whenever my little brother's in the room, and Natalya is even more intense than he is."

"E-eh? S-sorry, Ukraine, but I'm not in a relationship with your sister," he mumbled, staring at the floor.

"Like, totally!" Yet another nation arrived late - this time Poland. "He's, like, dating somebody but it's not Belarus. The amount of times I've had to cover for him..." The blonde nation winked at Latvia, who blushed and looked away again.

"Poland! So glad you could make it!" Hungary's grin was almost feral. "Who's he dating?"

"Switzerland's adorable little sister, Litchy-something!" Hungary looked almost disappointed in his answer.

"Oh, I was hoping it would be someone else...like Estonia or even Switzerland himself. They'd make a pretty good-" She was cut off by the slamming of the door against the wall.

"WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT SOME BRAT DATING MY BABY SISTER?!" Switzerland strode into the room, face furious, and a gun in his hands. Latvia started shaking.

"Big brother! Stop it!" Liechtenstein ran into the room after him, tugging on his sleeve as the man tried to load his gun. "Don't hurt Raivis!"

"Oh, _Raivis_! So you're on a first name basis with this brat!" Switzerland glared at the other nations assembled in the room. "Where is he?"

"He's, like, right there!" Poland called out helpfully, pointing at a trembling Latvia.

Switzerland deflated. "Oh, it's you. Why'd it have to be you?! I'd be fine with shooting anyone else." His response didn't do much to calm Latvia.

"You know him, Vash?" Liechtenstein asked him.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. He actually RESPECTS the fact that I don't like people crossing my border." The blonde sat down, mumbling about ' _damn Italians_ '.

Liechtenstein smiled at her boyfriend, and took a seat next to him, patting the shivering nation on the arm.

"Now, we can finally get back to-" Germany stood up and started talking in an attempt to get the meeting back on track, but was cut off.

"If Lithuania is with Poland, and Latvia is with Liechtenstein, then that can only mean... _Estonia_?!" Hungary said, staring incredulously at the blonde.

He cleared his throat and pushed his glasses further up his nose. "I, ahem, yes. I am in a...relationship...with Natalya."

Ukraine squealed. "Aw, that's adorable! I mean, you're the last person I expected to get with her, even Raivis would have been more predictable, but I can totally see it-"

"Katayusha! I had some terrible news!" A familiar Russian accent cut her babbling short as the tall, white-haired nation strode into the room, his scarf flapping behind him. "Fredka told me that our little sister has started dating!"

"Yeah, don't worry, Ivan, she'll be fine," Ukraine reassured him.

"Don't be silly, it's not Natalya I'm worried about! Where is the poor bastard?" His sister stifled a giggle and pointed at Estonia.

"Eduard...I'm sorry. We have been family for so long, I'm sorry that it had to end this way. I'll make sure to give you a proper send off." Russia patted him on the shoulder before walking over to America.

"Fredka! I got your message so I figured I'd drop by. Are you okay with having borscht tonight? You are coming home, right?" He asked, completely oblivious to the other nation's blushing.

Hungary grinned demonically. "You two...eh, I can see that. All that bottled up hate was bound to find an outlet somewhere..." She smirked suggestively at them.

Russia just smiled. "Da," he said, waving at his...boyfriend...on the way out.

Austria fanned his wife, trying to revive her as blood spurted out of her nose. "Oh dear, not again!"

"CAN WE FINALLY GET THIS MEETING BACK ON TRACK?!" Germany yelled, voice returning to normal once the room was silent. "Thank you." He cleared his throat, and prepared to give a report, but was _once again_ interrupted by the door slamming open.

" _GOTTVERDAMMT_!" He almost screamed. " _WHY_ -"

"Doitsu~" A familiar voice called, instantly turning the blonde man's angry scowl into a smile. Well, what counted as a smile for him anyway.

"Ah, Feliciano. It's just you - come over here, I saved you a seat," he said, fighting the blush that was rising to his cheeks.

"Yay~ You're so good to me, Luddy~" He smiled, walking over dreamily.

"HEY! POTATO BASTARD!" Germany groaned. This Italian he could do without.

"Is that..." Spain said, standing up with a smile. "My little Lovi!"

He pounced on the other nation as he walked through the door, peppering his face with kisses. "Lovi, Lovi, Lovi!" He said gleefully.

"H-hey! You stupid tomato-bastard! Get off me, you saw me less than an hour ago!" Romano tried to shake him off.

"But I missed you, Lovi!" Spain said, still smiling blissfully.

Romano cleared his throat, blushing heavily. "M-me too, now get off, bast-Tonio."

Germany sighed, not even bothering to stand up when he knew he'd be interrupted anyway. "Any more couples like to announce themselves?" He asked sarcastically.

"Whoo, my turn!" A new voice called out, and everyone looked to the back of the room where two previously unnoticed figures were sat. "The awesome me, and almost as awesome Mattie are dating now!" Prussia said with a smirk.

The room filled with whispers, most of them along the lines of 'Mattie? Who's Mattie?'.

"Ah, you mean mon petite _Mathieu_. That is, Canada, the landmass directly above America, second largest in the world," France joined the conversation.

"Oh, _bonjour_ papa!" Canada spoke up, waving at his adoptive father.

"'Ello, _Mathieu_. Now if you'll all pay attention, _Angleterre et moi_ have some news we'd like to share with you all!" The long-haired blonde beamed as his short-tempered counterpart glared at him.

"Don't you dare, Frog!" He growled.

"We are going to be married!" He held up his and England's hands, showing matching engagement rings.

Hungary squealed, passing out again almost immediately after her husband had revived her.

"It...it was a rhetorical question..." Germany whispered brokenly. "I just wanted to finish this meeting..."

"Ve~ Ludwig!" His favourite Italian (and the only one he liked) interrupted his depressing chain of thought. "Let's go get some wurst when we're done here!"

"Really?!" He perked up almost immediately. "But...you don't like it that much."

"Ve~ Silly Ludwig! It's not for me, it's for you!" Italy grinned, clinging to his arm.

"Let's go now, then. The meeting is a complete mess anyway," Germany said, before Italy changed his mind.

"Ve~ Right now, Luddy?! You've never skipped work before! How exciting!" The brunette said, grabbing his arm and all but dragging him out of the conference room.

"Hey, Potato bastard!"

"West!"

Identical cries of outrage came from the room as Romano and Prussia pulled their respective boyfriends into the hallway.

"Gil, Tonio, wait for _moi_!" France called as he tugged an unwilling England into their little group.

"Ve~ How fun! A group date!" Italy said, clapping his hands.

" _What_?! As if I'd go on a group date with the potato bast-" Romano yelled, stopping as his brother gave him the patented puppy dog eyes. "...fine. Just this once."

"Yeah! The Bad Touch Trio, plus siblings and dates! And I guess dates siblings in Feli's case. Or siblings dates..." Romano slapped his boyfriend in the back of the head as Spain rambled on, and the group walked out of the building.

Meanwhile, back in the conference room...

"Hey, did anyone notice it just got a lot quieter?" America asked.

* * *

 **Okay, so I decided to use both country names and human names in this, but with the idea that only those close to a nation would use their human name i.e. siblings/good friends/partners. The only exception in this case is Spain/Antonio using North Italy/Feliciano's human name, but I figured they've probably known each other for long enough that they would, and either way they're both pretty easygoing nations - not to mention, Romano/Lovino dating Spain/Antonio.**

 **Anyway, for those of you who don't know/can't remember the nations' human names, here's a list plus nicknames (only of the ones featured in this fic, though):**

 **Latvia - Raivis Galante**

 **Lithuania - Toris Laurinaitis**

 **Estonia - Eduard Von Bock**

 **Russia - Ivan Braginski**

 **Belarus - Natalya Arlovskaya**

 **Switzerland - Vash Zwingli**

 **Liechtenstein - Lilli Zwingli**

 **Ukraine - Yekatarina Braginskaya, Katayusha for short**

 **America - Alfred F Jones, Fredka (by Russia)**

 **(North) Italy - Feliciano Vargas, Feli for short (by Spain** **)**

 **Germany - Ludwig Beilschmidt, Luddy for short (by Italy), West (by Prussia), potato-bastard (by Romano)**

 **Romano (South Italy) - Lovino Vargas, Lovi for short (by Spain)**

 **Spain - Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, Tonio for short (by Romano and France)**

 **Prussia - Gilbert Beilschmidt, Gil for short (by France)**

 **Canada - Matthew Williams, Mattie for short (by Prussia), French spelling Mathieu (by France)**

 **France - Francis Bonnefoy, Frog (by England)**

 **England - Arthur Kirkland, French spelling Angleterre (by France)**

 **Hungary - Elizaveta Herdervary**

 **Austria - Roderich Edelstein**

 **Poland - Feliks** **Łukasiewicz**

 **Not all of the human names are used in the fic, but I added them on anyway.**

 **Reviews are always welcome. •^_^•**


	2. The Date

**I wasn't going to do any more on this, but this damn idea wouldn't leave me alone, so I thought to hell with it and here you are!**

 **Okay, so higher rating now, for Canada's 'motivational speech'...just warning you in advance...**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

The four couples walked into the restaurant, Prussia and Romano still arguing over who had won at air hockey. After an hour of competing in the arcade (and an unfortunate losing streak in Prussia's case - so unawesome), tensions were running high, and shit was going down.

"Don't be stupid, Mattie totally beat Toni's ass!" Prussia gloated, smirking at the violent Italian.

"Why you-" Romano started angrily, but was cut off by Germany, who had apparently had enough of the proverbial shit flying everywhere.

"Be quiet, both of you! We finished at the arcade twenty minutes ago, and we are in a relatively posh restaurant right now thanks to France, who kindly got us reservations. So just shut up and stop acting like little children!" He yelled, calming down immediately when Italy touched his arm.

"Ve~ Luddy, do they serve pasta here?" He asked dreamily. "I love pasta!"

Germany sighed, not in an unpleasant way, though. "Of course, Feli, they serve pasta everywhere."

"Ve~ You called me Feli in public!" Italy said happily.

"E-eh?" Germany blushed. "Why are you so happy about that, I call you Feli all the time at home."

"Ve~ but not when we go out!" Italy kissed him fully on the mouth, stifling Germany's response.

" _Honhonhon_!" France laughed, looking slyly at his lover - or rather, fiancé now

"Don't you dare, you bloody frog!" England said, backing away slightly.

France simply sidled closer in response. "We're engaged now, _Angleterre_ , so you don't have to worry about being so gentlemanly about things you could rip my clothes off right now and-"

"HEY, BASTARD! DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT KIND OF THING AROUND MY LITTLE SISTER!" A new voice called out, accompanied by the all-too-familiar click of a rifle. Switzerland's rifle, to be exact.

"Big brother, I think we should just go and eat now," Liechtenstein said, tugging on his sleeve. "Besides, you were the one who suggested we go get food when you said you wanted to get to know Raivis, so let's just go. I'm hungry, anyway."

"Maple..." Canada whispered as the trio walked away. "I feel so sorry for that poor boy..."

For once, the others heard him, and nodded in agreement.

"Ah, _bonjour Monsieur Bonnefoy_!" A waiter appeared, greeting France with a kiss on either cheek that made England glare at him. "Your table is right this way!"

As the group was led off, another couple entered the restaurant.

"Seriously, Ivan, this place is amazing!" An obnoxious voice said.

"So you've eaten here before, da?" Another voice, this one with a thick Russian accent, replied.

"...not exactly, but Mattie said it was good!" America's cowlick, followed by the rest of him, finally came into view, shortly followed by his Russian boyfriend.

"Okay. Who is Mattie again?" Russia asked, making America face-palm.

"He's my little bro - only the best a guy could ask for!" He boasted, puffing out his chest.

"Lies!" A faint cry came from further in the restaurant.

"Why you little...I'd recognise that obnoxious voice anywhere, Prussia, get your ass out here! There's no way your little nazi-ass brother could beat Mattie!" America screamed.

"He just called Prussia obnoxious..." Latvia said to himself. "Does he own a mirror?"

Overhearing the smaller nation, Switzerland snorted. "Uh, yeah. Pretty sure he has at least one in every room - egotistical, self-centred BASTARD,"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" America and Prussia screamed in unison. "DON'T FUCKING COPY ME, JACKASS!"

There weren't many mortal guests in the restaurant, in fact, there were probably more nations than mortals, and soon after the two most obnoxious and annoying (sorry, not sorry) nations in the world started screaming at each other, the whole place was soon mysteriously emptied of 'normal' people.

Canada, Italy and Spain were rolling around on the floor in tears of laughter, Romano watching his boyfriend and looking torn between joining in the yelling and laughing at the Spaniard. England was frantically trying to mop up the hot tea he had spat out all over himself and the table when the 'showdown' (more like a screaming match) had begun, and France stood by, filming it all with the help of Hungary, who had appeared at some point. Austria had joined Germany in the 'we're so above this, we'll stand in the corner and look disdainfully on at their childish antics' club, and the blonde's eyebrow was twitching ever so slightly as his gaze flashed between his brother and his unofficial boyfriend. Who was still on the floor.

"Ve~ Luddy!" The Italian crawled over to Germany and started pulling on his trouser leg. "Aren't you going to stop them! Gilbert-nii is you brother!"

Germany sighed. "I can't believe you actually call him that. And to answer your question - hell no! I am not stupid enough to get in the middle of that. Not even if the damn American started insulting me." The blonde walked away, presumably in search of wurst, still muttering something about 'damn Americans...Hitler was a fucking _dick_ of the highest order'.

It was probably for the best that the young Italian hadn't heard him swearing, he probably would have passed out with shock.

Austria did.

Which then made Hungary pissed, because she had to pause her filming to revive her husband.

"Wake up, bastard!" She screamed whilst slapping him. "I'm missing the best part."

By this point, America and Prussia were actually _butting heads_ , Russia and Canada in the background.

"Come on, Fredka! If you win I'll take you to McDonalds!" Russia's motivational spedch would normally be motivation enough for America, but given the competition he faced after Canada's speech...

The normally calm, reserved nation had a deep competitive streak that not many people knew about, and America had unfortunately forgotten. And inadvertently awakened the 'dark side' of his brother's personality, because now America and Prussia weren't even arguing about brothers anymore, no, Canada would have been fine with that. They were arguing about who had the better boyfriend - and this meant anything from the size of their dicks and who was better in bed to who was more of a romantic. Which brings us full circle - to Canada's motivational 'speech'.

"Gilbert, you _fils de pute_!" Canada's use of (pretty filthy) French made his boyfriend shiver slightly, as he knew it would. "If you win, we can do it any way you like tonight!" Most of the nations looked scandalised by this, France and Russia amused, and America downright horrified. "We can even do that kinky thing with the handcuffs and ropes that you like so much!" Now even France, the 'nation of _l'amour_ ' had a slight blush on his face.

"M-Mattie...bro...what the fuck?!" America whimpered, covering his ears. "I don't need to hear this shit!"

Prussia grinned at his boyfriend. "You're on, Birdie. As a thank you, I might even let you fuck _me_ in the ass."

"I wasn't finished, Gil." A strange glint lit the Canadian's eyes. "If you lose, for the next month all you'll see me in is those slutty cosplaying outfits you bought for kicks - and you won't be able to do a damn thing."

"Y-you mean..." The Prussian looked like a kicked puppy.

"Yes, me wearing all those short, short skirts that you've been begging me to wear since you started buying them, six months ago, but I won't be letting you fuck me." America let out a strangled cry.

"My ears...my brain...Ivan, bring me the bleach, I need to get these goddamn images out of my head!" He screamed, falling to the ground.

"...Birdie, I think you broke him." Prussia looked at his boyfriend hopefully. "So...I win by default - does that mean that you'll let me..."

"Yeah. Sure." Canada said flippantly, before winking at him and walking out.

This was too much for America, and he passed out, with an expression on his face that looked like a mix between trying to hold back vomit and absolute terror.

"That was, like, so weird...who was that guy again?" Poland spoke up.

Apparently every other nation who had been at the conference was now in the restaurant, and had witnessed Canada's special 'speech'.

"To think...he really did pay attention to what I told him...I raised a good little nation. That was _mon cherie, Mathieu_ , everyone! My little Canadian colony! He's grown into such a fine nation!" France was so overjoyed that there were genuine tears of happiness in his eyes.

England face palmed. "You'll all forget in the next five minutes, but that was Canada, America's younger brother and one of the Frog's ex-colonies."

There were several 'oh's as the assembled nations nodded.

"So...food?" Lithuania asked awkwardly blushing as Poland linked their arms and kissed him on the cheek.

"You, like, so read my mind, babe! I am so starving!" He said, dragging them over to a table. "Hey, Estonia, Belarus, come sit with us!" He turned to his boyfriend. "I'd ask Latvia, but he, like, totally looks happy enough over there with gun-boy and his little sis."

Slowly, all of the nations made their way to tables, excluding Canada, and Prussia, who had followed his boyfriend off to god knows where. Oh, and America and Russia, the white-haired man still trying to revive his boyfriend.

"Hmm, so if the hamburger didn't work, and it normally does, maybe vodka?" The Russian poured some into the unconscious man's mouth. "Good Fredka, now just swallow!"

The scary thing was that it actually worked. But that was probably just because the American started choking on the liquor.

"Ow...my brain still hurts..." He croaked. "My poor, poor, brain..."

Meanwhile, at Canada's New York apartment...

Prussia snickered. "They probably think we're off having crazy, kinky sex right now!" He said gleefully.

"Yeah," Canada agreed laughing softly. He snuggled further into his boyfriend's embrace as the movie started. "Now shh...hey! Gilbert! Don't eat all the popcorn! I made it, so I get more!"

"Keep it down Birdie, I'm watching the film," he mocked the Canadian, who stuck his tongue put. Prussia flicked the offending muscle once with his own tongue, to the shock of his boyfriend, and turned his attention to the screen as the title rolled up.

 _Love Actually._

Time for a movie marathon, with all of his favourites - Canada had promised 'whatever way he wanted'. The poor nation would be sobbing in despair by the time they got to the Christmas films, but really - he should have known better.

* * *

 **Okay...so that happened XD**

 **Nation names vs human names (plus nicknames) for those of you who don't know:**

 **Prussia - Gilbert Beilschmidt, Gil for short (by Canada)**

 **Romano (South Italy) - Lovino Vargas**

 **Canada - Matthew Williams, Mattie for short (by Prussia and America), French spelling Mathieu (by France), Birdie (by Prussia)**

 **Spain - Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, Toni for short (by Prussia)**

 **Germany - Ludwig Beilschmidt, Luddy for short (by Italy)**

 **(North) Italy - Feliciano Vargas, Feli for short (by Germany)**

 **France - Francis Bonnefoy, Frog (by England),** **Monsieur Bonnefoy (by the waiter)**

 **England - Arthur Kirkland, French spelling Angleterre (by France)**

 **Latvia - Raivis Galante**

 **Switzerland - Vash Zwingli, gun-boy (by Poland)**

 **Liechtenstein - Lilli Zwingli**

 **Russia - Ivan Braginski**

 **America - Alfred F Jones, Fredka (by Russia)**

 **Hungary - Elizaveta Herdervary**

 **Austria - Roderich Edelstein**

 **Poland - Feliks** **Łukasiewicz**

 **Lithuania - Toris Laurinaitis**

 **Estonia - Eduard Von Bock**

 **Belarus - Natalya Arlovskaya**

 **Again, not** **all of the human names are used in the fic, but I added them on anyway.**

 **Reviews are welcome as always. •^_^•**


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